The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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