Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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