I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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