i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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