At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
