the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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