There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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