remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
