Pappa wants mamma naked
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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