Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
