At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
