Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
