Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize