My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
