I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
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