I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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