Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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