You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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