Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Four minutes until I can fart!
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
