make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize