Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Randomize
