I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
