yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
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