I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
you never un-have a 4some
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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