yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
