i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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