I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
he high fived his dick after we had sex
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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