you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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