i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
