It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He passed out mid-signature
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
