im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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