he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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