3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My penis needs a shock collar
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
