And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
