Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize