This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
