Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
