i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize