Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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