Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
