we're blogging at a bar
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
