Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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