Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
My dick has a subreddit
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
