her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
