I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I AM VODKA MAN
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize