I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
