We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
i think my cat just said my name.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
