Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
