Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
