When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize