he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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