I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
