he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize