is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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