I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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