If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
last night I used snow as a chaser
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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