mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I still have a little drunk in my system
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize