Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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