If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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