Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
