it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
