Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
