I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
