I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
it's great music for shaving your balls
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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